325: What I Learned in 2019

Episode Summary

Executive Summary: Kirill Aramenko reflects on seven major learnings from 2019: leadership is a balance of opposites, abundance fuels FOMO, extreme event stress can reset perspective, closing one relationship can open better opportunities, introverts must protect alone time, a “no coaching” rule improves empathy, and greater emotional awareness helps move from overthinking toward feeling.

Main Topics: Leadership as a series of dichotomies: He argues leadership is not a fixed science but an art requiring constant balancing between extremes: closeness vs distance, autonomy vs control, and consistency vs restraint. FOMO and consciously choosing to miss out: In a world of abundance and endless options, fear of missing out creates stress and indecision; the antidote is intentionally choosing what to miss. Full-circle stress from running Data Science Go: Unexpected budget shocks while organizing the conference pushed stress to an extreme, then back to calm, reshaping his view of pressure and resilience. Letting doors close in relationships: A breakup is framed as painful but necessary because ending the wrong relationship can create space for healthier future opportunities. Managing energy as an introvert: He explains introversion as an energy pattern, not a social skill deficit, and emphasizes the need for deliberate solitude to stay balanced. No coaching and the value of listening: A men’s circle in Bali taught him that empathy improves when advice-giving is suspended and people are simply heard. Moving toward feelings, not just thinking: Personal development work and personality testing led him to recognize the importance of emotional awareness, naming feelings, and not outsourcing emotional responsibility.

Key Arguments: Leadership requires balancing opposing demands rather than applying one universal rule; too much closeness or control harms teams, but too much distance or autonomy also fails. FOMO is intensified by modern abundance; the healthiest response is not trying to have everything, but consciously accepting that some things will be missed. The stress of major business setbacks can become manageable when viewed in context; nature and life continue, and most problems are solvable without panic. Ending a relationship that is only “almost right” can be the healthiest decision because it frees both people to find better alignment. Introverts need regular, protected alone time to recharge; otherwise they become irritable, resentful, and less sustainable in relationships and work. People often want empathy more than solutions; removing coaching and simply listening can create stronger human connection. Emotional maturity requires noticing and naming feelings, communicating them clearly, and not blaming others for one’s internal state.

Data Points: Episode number: 325 - This is the podcast episode identifier. Top learnings: 7 - Kirill structures the episode around seven key lessons from 2019. Data Science Go attendance 2017: 150 people - First year of the conference, used as a growth baseline. Data Science Go attendance 2018: 350 people - Second year attendance, showing rapid expansion. Data Science Go attendance 2019: 620 people - Third year attendance, representing continued strong growth. Planned Data Science Go attendance 2020: 800 to 1,000 people - Projected attendance mentioned for the following year. Unexpected event budget increase: 50% - First major budget surprise from the hotel while planning the conference. Second budget increase: 30% - Another unplanned cost increase reported shortly after the first. Third budget increase: 20% - A further unexpected expense occurred in early September. Total budget overrun: about 100% - Cumulative impact of the unexpected event costs. Bali retreat: 10 days - The fast/retreat period during which he experienced FOMO. Introvert solitude goal: at least 24 hours once a month - His preferred minimum solo reset period. Weddings attended: 1 of 4 or 5 invitations - Example of selective social participation as an introvert. Men's circle duration: 2 to 2.5 hours - Length of the Bali discussion circle focused on feelings. Myers-Briggs result: INTJ to INTP-FJ shift - He reports moving from INTJ toward more feeling-oriented traits.

Pivotal Quotes: "I choose to miss out." — Kirill Aramenko: His personal reframing of FOMO during the Bali retreat. "Leadership is not a science. Leadership is more of an art." — Kirill Aramenko: Central takeaway from his discussion of The Dichotomy of Leadership. "There is no coaching." — Kirill Aramenko: The rule in the Bali men’s circle that changed how he listened to others.

Implications: Listeners are encouraged to treat success as a balancing act: choose intentionally, protect energy, embrace empathy, and get comfortable with emotional awareness. For leaders and entrepreneurs, resilience comes from self-knowledge, not just problem-solving.