A former nun on why she ran away from her 'Cloistered' life

Episode Summary

Executive Summary: The episode centers on Catherine Coldstream’s memoir about 12 years as a Carmelite nun, tracing her shift from bohemian artist to cloistered life and back into the world. She reflects on silence, prayer, obedience, discipline, spiritual longing, coercion, and the psychological costs of monastic isolation, alongside the liberation and difficulty of leaving. The episode also includes a review of Will Ferrell’s Netflix golf comedy The Hawk.

Main Topics: Coldstream’s path from artist to nun (Priority: 5/5): She grew up in an artistic, emotionally expressive household, studied and performed music, then turned to religion after her father’s prolonged decline and death, seeking something radical and transcendent. Silence, prayer, and monastic discipline (Priority: 5/5): Coldstream explains that Carmelite silence was not complete verbal emptiness but a life saturated with liturgy, scripture, meditation, and structured prayer, all governed by strict rules and schedules. Cloistered identity and self-denial (Priority: 4/5): The conversation explores how habits, names, identical clothing, cells, and set liturgical routines were meant to erase individuality and create a shared religious identity centered on sacrifice and equality. Obedience, authority, and abuse of power (Priority: 5/5): The interview probes the tension between spiritual obedience and authoritarian control, including the danger of unchecked prioress authority, manipulation, and psychological cruelty inside isolated communities. Romantic and erotic dimensions of devotion (Priority: 4/5): Coldstream discusses how being ‘married to Christ’ could feel deeply personal, romantic, and even sublimated-erotic, drawing on biblical imagery like Hosea and the Song of Songs. Leaving the monastery and reentry into ordinary life (Priority: 5/5): She describes running away to avoid breaking down, later leaving formally, and then adjusting to noise, physical freedom, food, and ordinary pleasures after years of deprivation. John Powers on Will Ferrell’s The Hawk (Priority: 3/5): The critic reviews Ferrell’s golf comedy as silly, shaggy, and overlong, but still funny and consistent with Ferrell’s trademark childlike absurdity and commitment to lowbrow humor.

Key Arguments: Coldstream argues that Carmelite silence was not simply absence of speech; it was a life filled with internal words through chant, reading, and prayer. She suggests that the structure of monastic life created space for interior freedom, even though the outer life was highly restricted. She contends that spiritual obedience could easily overlap with authoritarianism when power was concentrated in one person and not open to question. She explains that psychological cruelty, humiliation, and emotional withholding were harder to endure than the single physical assault she experienced. She frames her attraction to the monastery as a radical response to grief, disintegration, and a longing for transcendence after her father’s death. She says leaving the monastery brought both liberation and discomfort: freedom, food, and physical movement were joyful, but noise, mess, and social contact were overwhelming. John Powers argues that The Hawk works because Ferrell’s comic persona remains appealing, even if the series is too long and structurally thin.

Data Points: Years in monastery: 12 years - Coldstream spent a dozen years as a Carmelite nun before leaving. Age at conversion moment: 24 - She says she found God after her father died when she was 24. Age difference between parents: 28 years - Her father was 28 years older than her mother. Daily speaking allowance: 30 minutes - She says nuns were allowed a half hour each day to speak. Wake-up time: 5:15 - The monastery’s disciplined horarium began at 5:15 with matins and immediate rising. Silent prayer time: 2 hours per day - Coldstream says they had about two hours of completely silent prayer daily. Physical runtime: nearly five hours - John Powers notes The Hawk runs nearly five hours in total. Open setback year: 2004 - The Hawk’s protagonist was number one in the world in 2004 before choking on his final putt.

Pivotal Quotes: "Prayer was, I think, I approached it like an art form." — Catherine Coldstream: Coldstream describes how her intellectual and artistic temperament shaped the way she entered monastic prayer. "I think there was definitely a very strong sense of romance. I think if you read some of St. Theresa's writings on her relationship with Jesus in prayer, you do also get the sense that really deep prayer can actually be quite romantic." — Catherine Coldstream: She explains the emotional and quasi-erotic dimension of being 'married to Christ' in the Carmelite tradition. "The hardest thing was the noise." — Catherine Coldstream: She compares post-monastery life with the silence and order of cloistered existence.

Implications: The interview shows how spiritual devotion can offer meaning and structure while also enabling control and harm. It also highlights the difficult, psychologically complex transition from total enclosure to ordinary life, and Ferrell’s enduring niche in broad comedic performance.