How music helped me live through long COVID | Joshua Roman

Episode Summary

Executive Summary: Cellist Joshua Roman shares how long COVID upended his life and career, nearly taking away his ability to play. Through Bach and an original piece, he describes moving from perfectionism and overwork toward vulnerability, connection, and receiving music as nourishment rather than only giving it. The performance becomes a meditation on resilience, identity, and humanity.

Main Topics: Long COVID and physical/cognitive impact (Priority: 5/5): Roman details the severe and ongoing symptoms of long COVID, including dysautonomia, brain fog, fatigue, and heart-rate instability, and how they disrupted daily life and musicianship. Loss and recovery of musical identity (Priority: 5/5): He recounts nearly losing the ability to play cello, abandoning practice, and later rediscovering the emotional and physical meaning of making sound. Perfectionism versus connection (Priority: 5/5): Roman reflects on a career shaped by perfectionism and a gig mentality, arguing that music should prioritize human connection over flawless execution. Vulnerability as artistic strength (Priority: 4/5): He acknowledges fear around exposing weakness on stage, but frames vulnerability as the condition that makes genuine connection and art possible. Creative process and improvisation (Priority: 4/5): While composing an original piece, he moved from trying to force a grand statement to improvising freely, which led to a joyful composition called 'Immunity.' Healing and adaptation (Priority: 4/5): He credits support from a long COVID recovery program and describes learning to manage a changed body and life rather than returning to his former self.

Key Arguments: Long COVID can profoundly alter physical, cognitive, and emotional functioning, making ordinary tasks and professional performance difficult. A musician’s value is not measured only by technical perfection; connection and presence matter more. Vulnerability is not a weakness in art but a prerequisite for authentic expression and shared experience. Creative breakthroughs often come from letting go of control and allowing the process to unfold naturally. Recovery may mean adapting to a new identity rather than restoring the old one.

Data Points: People worldwide affected by long COVID: more than 400 million - Cited in the introduction as the global scale of the condition. Symptoms associated with long COVID: over 200 symptoms - Used to emphasize the breadth and variability of the condition. Year of infection: January 2021 - Roman says he caught COVID in January of 2021 and never fully recovered. Heart rate medication target: up to 200 bpm - He takes medication daily to prevent his heart rate from randomly skyrocketing to 200. Age when cello connection began: 3 years old - He says he has known the sensation of cello vibrations since he was three. Practice history: over 30 years - He had cultivated a daily practice routine for more than 30 years before abandoning it during illness. Running benchmark before illness: under six-minute mile - He references this as part of the athletic identity he had before COVID. Time spent in crisis reflection: almost three months - He describes nearly three months of dark soul-searching before returning to the cello.

Pivotal Quotes: "Rather than hide my struggle, I've decided to do the hard work of changing deeply ingrained habits and letting go of my attachment to an identity that prioritized perfection over connection." — Joshua Roman: His closing reflection on what long COVID forced him to confront about his career and identity. "I couldn't force myself to write the piece that I wanted. But when I let go and just played, I came away with the piece that I needed." — Joshua Roman: He describes how improvisation led to his original composition 'Immunity.' "music an art, not of perfection, but of humanity." — Joshua Roman: He summarizes the lesson he draws from illness, vulnerability, and performance.

Implications: The talk suggests artists and audiences should value authenticity, adaptability, and connection over flawless output. It also highlights long COVID as a lasting public-health and creative challenge.