Philematology (KISSING) with Robin Dunbar

Episode Summary

Executive Summary: Allie Ward interviews Oxford evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar about philematology, arguing that kissing is an evolved social and biological test: it helps people assess compatibility, health, and immune-system fit through touch, smell, and saliva exchange. The episode blends research on mate choice, friendship, microbiomes, and social contagion with humor and practical dating insight.

Main Topics: Philematology and the evolutionary purpose of kissing (Priority: 5/5): The episode centers on kissing as a real field of study and explores why humans kiss at all, with Dunbar framing it as an intimate mechanism for courtship, bonding, and assessment. Kissing as a sensory test for compatibility and health (Priority: 5/5): Dunbar explains that kissing combines smell, taste, touch, and microbiome exchange to help people evaluate a partner’s immune system, bodily health, and overall fit. Courtship stages and mate selection (Priority: 5/5): The conversation breaks courtship into stages—distance cues, conversation, smell, kissing, and closer contact—arguing that relationships work better when partners tick similar cultural and personality boxes. Social bonding, touch, and endorphins (Priority: 4/5): Touch, cuddling, grooming, and C-tactile neurons are discussed as core mechanisms of human closeness, with kissing seen as an extension of primate social grooming. Microbiome exchange and social contagion (Priority: 4/5): The episode connects kissing to bacterial transfer and broader microbiome sharing, then expands to the idea that moods and behaviors can spread through social networks. Research methods and observational anthropology (Priority: 3/5): Dunbar describes how his work is done through surveys, vignettes, dating ads, and real-world observation in pubs and nightclubs, emphasizing the difficulty and fun of studying human behavior. Cultural variations and misconceptions about kissing (Priority: 3/5): The discussion addresses cheek-kissing greetings, ‘French kissing,’ and the difference between cultural customs and myths, showing how language and etiquette shape how kissing is understood.

Key Arguments: Kissing likely serves an evolutionary function by helping people assess a partner’s suitability through smell, taste, touch, and chemical cues. Humans inherited many courtship and bonding behaviors from primate ancestors, but kissing is more elaborate and socially central in humans than in other species. People tend to prefer partners whose immune genes differ from their own, because that can benefit offspring’s immune diversity. The strongest relationships usually emerge from gradual courtship in which people test similarity in values, humor, politics, music, and background. Touch and social grooming trigger endorphin release and trust, explaining why physical affection matters in close relationships. Perfumes often amplify an individual's natural scent preference rather than conceal body odor entirely. Microbiomes are shared among people who live or touch closely, and social networks can transmit moods and behaviors as well as microbes. Human behavior research is hard because data collection and publication are tedious, but the puzzle-like nature of the work is deeply rewarding.

Data Points: Papers authored by Robin Dunbar: 400+ - Introduced as part of his academic credentials in evolutionary psychology and anthropology. Books written or edited by Robin Dunbar: 20+ - Used to establish his breadth of scholarship. Dunbar’s number: 150 stable friendships - Referenced as the approximate number of stable relationships a person can maintain. Microbes transferred in a 10-second kiss: 80 million - A cited 2014 Amsterdam study on saliva and microbial exchange. Microbes exchanged in a 10-minute kiss: about 10 million - Dunbar describes large bacterial transfer during kissing. Human social network happiness spread: up to 3 degrees of separation - Referenced from social network research on emotional contagion. Timeline of research cited: 20 years - Framington/Framingham Heart Study analysis of happiness spread over time. Core friendship dimensions: 7 pillars - Dunbar’s framework: shared upbringing, language, education, hobbies, morals/politics, humor, and music taste. Birth of the name 'French kissing': World War I era - The episode says the term spread from soldiers returning from Europe.

Pivotal Quotes: "The study of kissing." — Allie Ward: Introducing philematology and explaining why she wanted to explore the topic. "The people you like tend to be people who have a different set of immune genes to the ones that you have." — Robin Dunbar: Explaining the possible evolutionary function of kissing and partner choice. "Your relationship with somebody is about your wanting to be there with them, not, oh God, it's Monday and I haven't said hello yet." — Robin Dunbar: Summarizing his view that relationships should be organic rather than overly engineered.

Implications: Listeners get a science-backed, playful framework for understanding attraction: compatibility is multi-sensory, health-linked, and social. For dating, relationships, and even public health, touch and kissing matter more than people may realize.