Don’t call people out -- call them in | Loretta J. Ross

Episode Summary

Executive Summary: Activist Loretta J. Ross advocates for 'calling in' instead of 'calling out' to address harmful behavior, promoting a culture of love, empathy, and growth. Drawing from her experience monitoring hate groups and personal trauma, she argues that calling in invites conversation rather than conflict, offering forgiveness and redemption. Ross provides practical strategies for this approach, emphasizing its power to build movements and transform relationships.

Main Topics: Calling Out vs. Calling In (Priority: 5/5): Ross contrasts public shaming (calling out) with compassionate accountability (calling in), noting that calling out often leads to defensiveness and fights, while calling in fosters growth and dialogue. Personal Journey from Hate to Love (Priority: 4/5): Ross shares her background monitoring hate groups and surviving violence, which led her to shift from hate to love as a moral compass for her activism. Building a Calling-In Culture (Priority: 5/5): Ross describes how calling in can transform human rights movements, comparing it to nonviolence in the civil rights era, and emphasizes leading with love and empathy. Practical Strategies for Calling In (Priority: 4/5): Ross offers techniques like asking 'Tell me more' and using 'calling on' to invite reflection, along with self-assessment to ensure readiness for compassionate engagement. Forgiveness and Redemption (Priority: 3/5): Ross highlights forgiveness as a powerful form of calling in, citing examples like Chris Singleton forgiving his mother's killer and a student offering grace after misgendering. Challenging Bigotry with Love (Priority: 3/5): Ross recounts confronting her 'Uncle Frank' about racist remarks without anger, using a call-on approach that affirmed his goodness while challenging his words.

Key Arguments: Calling out (cancel culture) often escalates conflict and shuts down growth, while calling in invites conversation and accountability with love. Movements thrive on diverse thoughts; uniformity leads to cult-like behavior, not genuine progress. Forgiveness is a radical act of calling in that frees both the forgiver and the forgiven from anger and hatred. People can be called on to be better versions of themselves, avoiding defensiveness by affirming their potential. Self-assessment is crucial before calling someone in: one must be in a healed enough space to offer empathy.

Data Points: Decades of activism: 5 decades - Ross has been a social justice activist for five decades. Age of student showing grace: 18 years old - An 18-year-old student offered Ross grace after she misgendered them. Year of church massacre: 2015 - The Charleston church massacre occurred in 2015, where nine people were killed. Number of people killed in massacre: 9 - Nine people were killed in the 2015 Charleston church massacre.

Pivotal Quotes: "A call-out is not an invitation for growth. It's the expectation that you've already grown." — One of Ross's students: Ross quotes a student to illustrate the problem with call-out culture. "Forgiveness is more powerful than people realize because it lifts all of this stuff off of you. It's freedom, freedom from revenge, freedom from anger, freedom from hatred." — Chris Singleton: Chris Singleton, son of a victim of the Charleston church massacre, spoke about forgiveness. "Fighting hate should be fun. It's being a hater that sucks." — Loretta J. Ross: Ross concludes her talk with this powerful statement about joy in activism.

Implications: Ross's call-in approach offers a transformative framework for personal and societal conflict resolution, encouraging empathy over punishment. It challenges cancel culture and provides tools for building inclusive movements, applicable in families, workplaces, and digital spaces.