Sunday Pick: Cancelling cancel culture with Loretta Ross | ReThinking with Adam Grant

Episode Summary

Executive Summary: Loretta Ross and Adam Grant discuss “calling in” as a humane alternative to call-out and cancel culture. Drawing on Ross’s activism, she argues that shame and public humiliation rarely change behavior, while respectful confrontation, self-reflection, and vulnerability can foster accountability, learning, and lasting social change.

Main Topics: Calling in vs. calling out (Priority: 5/5): Ross explains that directness can coexist with respect: the goal is not to soften truth, but to deliver it in a way that preserves dignity and keeps dialogue possible. Why shame and cancel culture fail (Priority: 5/5): Ross argues that public shaming tends to make people defensive, silence honesty, and harm the most vulnerable, while often leaving powerful people untouched. Personal evolution from call-out to discipline (Priority: 4/5): Ross reflects on her own quick temper and history of confrontation, describing how experience taught her to pause, self-assess, and choose responses more intentionally. Activism, trauma, and vulnerability (Priority: 4/5): Ross connects her work in reproductive justice and anti-hate organizing to her own trauma history, arguing that selective vulnerability can build trust and mobilize others. Learning from extremists and perpetrators (Priority: 4/5): She recounts encounters with William Fuller and Floyd Cochran to show that even people involved in violence or hate movements can change when their humanity and pain are acknowledged. Language policing and grace (Priority: 3/5): Ross says language norms evolve quickly, so people should correct mistakes without weaponizing them; intent, repair, and mutual grace matter more than perfection. A framework for constructive confrontation (Priority: 5/5): Ross outlines a practical process: pause, self-assess, calibrate the conflict, and choose whether to call in, call out, call off, or escalate based on the situation.

Key Arguments: Shaming does not reliably correct behavior; it usually drives people away, increases defensiveness, and discourages honesty. Calling in is less about controlling others and more about changing your own behavior toward them—offering space, respect, and accountability. People can change, including those with hateful beliefs or harmful behavior, if they are met with humanity and given a path back. Public accountability should not mimic the prison industrial complex by silencing, exiling, or dehumanizing people. Vulnerability can be a strategic organizing tool because it invites trust and shared storytelling. Language mistakes should be corrected with grace because intent, repair, and learning matter more than punishment. Effective confrontation requires emotional regulation: pause first, then respond from integrity rather than trauma. Radical politics without radical love becomes performative and punitive rather than transformative.

Data Points: Age at first major organizing role: 25 - Ross was director of the D.C. Rape Crisis Center when she received William Fuller’s letter. Year reproductive justice theory was co-created: 1994 - Ross says she was one of 12 Black women who co-created the theory of reproductive justice. Number of Black women co-creators: 12 - Ross identifies the collective authorship of reproductive justice theory. Age when Floyd Cochran joined hate movement: 14 - Ross says Floyd became a Nazi at 14. Years Floyd spent in hate movement: 21 - Floyd was 35 and had spent 21 years in the hate movement. Age of Ross’s trauma when raped: 11 - Ross references rape at 11 as part of her disclosure and organizing story. Age of incest trauma: 14 - Ross mentions incest at 14. Age when she had a baby from incest: 15 - Ross says she had an obvious baby at 15. Class size: 50 students - Ross describes a class where she asked students to share pronouns. Audience size at march: 600,000 people - Ross says she told her story at a march on the National Mall to 600,000 people.

Pivotal Quotes: "The emotions are real. The question is, will you be trauma-informed or trauma-driven?" — Adam Grant: Grant frames Ross’s approach to anger and accountability. "It takes too much energy to hate people, you know? I've always found that exhausting." — Loretta Ross: Ross explains why she moved away from sustained anger and toward more disciplined responses. "You don't have the magic power to make other people change, but you have the power to offer the love and support to give them the space to grow." — Loretta Ross: Ross defines the limits and purpose of calling in.

Implications: Listeners are encouraged to replace humiliation with disciplined, respectful accountability. For activists, educators, and leaders, the episode argues that durable change comes from repair, not punishment, and from treating people as capable of growth.